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My backwards life

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I am 24 years old. (No need to remind me that in 7 months I will be a quarter of a century).

I was married at 21.

I was 23 when my daughter was born.

I am a stay a home mom and I love it.

I do not have a college degree. I do not care.

I don’t regret a thing.

I got married before I finished college. I had a baby shortly after. I bought a house before I ever had a full time job. I became a stay at home mom and I am still not in college. I think my life, by the world’s standards, would be considered “backwards”. But let me tell you, I am so glad I don’t live my life according to the world. I am so glad I live by God’s standards and His standards alone. I am pretty sure the Bible doesn’t mention anything about what degree I need to have before I get married, or what age is too young to tie the knot, because back then, they were teenagers when they wed. It also doesn’t say how long we need to be married before we have a child. He did give us Adelynn on His time, after all!

I had every intention of going to school this semester. I really did. I have this master plan in mind and it’s not going how I thought. But I have to be honest. My master plan sucks. To be clear, it’s not because I suck at planning, because I am darn good at planning. But it sucks because of my intentions of control over my life. I am spending all this time planning my life and not trusting God with it. I planned to be in school this semester and God chose another path for me.

And you know what?

He is always right.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11

If I was in school right now I can envision my life and I would be miserable. I would have to tell Adelynn to “go read a book” or “go play” or set her in front of the tv because “Mommy is busy”.  I would send her away several times each day. Really, why would I do something like that to her when my heart isn’t in what I am doing anyway? That would break my heart, but how would that make her feel? Would I be modeling Christ to her if I always told her I was “too busy” to do things with her?  Is God ever too busy for us? I understand that in going to school I would be bettering myself. And I plan to do so, but right now, this time is for us. For her.  For me. For our family.

So what am I supposed be doing with my life? Exactly what I am doing now.

Where am I supposed to be? Exactly where I am now. No question about it.

Thank you Kate   for talking to me tonight and helping me see so clearly. I can’t tell you how settled I finally feel, and I didn’t even realize how unsettled I was in the first place.

Thank you everyone for your unconditional love and support over the last 3 amazing years of my life. Thank you all for understanding that we are doing what is best for us, and what is best for you and what is best for me might be completely different things, and I respect you for your decisions as well. Thank you for respecting me for who I am and the choices I make.

I am taking care of my family, and modeling Jesus to my daughter. There is nothing more important I can do.

I am doing my best for you. I love you so much, Adelynn Faith.

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7 responses »

  1. Precious post!
    Underpaid, over worked, crappy night shifts…we are of a vacationless class. Yet, we’d choose this job called Mommyhood, time and time again. Because it is…….
    So. Worth. It. The sweet sounds of “Momma?! I wuv you.” are all the paycheck we need.
    College can wait, Adelyn’s childhood will not. Time marches on and precious moments pass us by. Good for you Cassie, good for you!

    Reply
  2. Carol Mosier

    This post made me cry. What a beautiful woman you are! You are following God’s plan for your life. You will never regret the choices you make as long as you are in HIS will and you most definitely are. You have the most important job in the world, to be the best wife and mother you can. Education can wait. It waited for me for 20 years!!!! Enjoy being a MOM!!!!!

    Reply
  3. Have never been here to judge – you are clearly doing what you need to for you, your family and your happiness together. Ultimately, that’s all that matters. No regrets, and no worries about what any one else thinks as long as you are all happy!!! Love you 🙂

    Reply
  4. Amen sister! Thank you for writing this, it is really good for me too 🙂 You’re a beautiful woman and wonderful role model for your precious girl… and anyone!

    Reply
  5. Cassie,
    This is so amazing. It sounds silly, but you really are an inspiration to me. I think all of us get way too wrapped up in our own plans for our lives and lose sight of what really matters and just giving it up to Him and trusting that only He can give us the life we are truly meant to have and that the wait for that will all be worth it. I am so happy for you guys and am very greatful to have been able to keep you as a friend for so long! Love, Magen

    Reply
  6. I’m replying to my own message to tell you sorry for the Cassi*e and have no idea how I put that on! haha sorry!!!

    Reply
  7. Pingback: The Mother Load of Mommy Affirmation–ha! Get it? | LAUGHTER & LATTES

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