I really am. But do I get a little bit of grace? Please?
Life at our house is going surprisingly well. Ava has been the sweetest little addition to our family. She is the most content baby and has started smiling and cooing! She is growing like a beautiful weed and now her cloth diapers fit her well! Adelynn still continues to be the best big sister there ever was. She’s helpful when needed and content to play on her own often.
The routine part is a whole new ballgame. I am still waiting for Ava to have a routine, but for now we are just flying by the seat of our pants. I am often faced with what to do when Ava sleeps. Do I play with Adelynn? Do I throw in a load of laundry? Maybe I do a sniff test or a hair grease check and see how necessary a shower is. Today the answer was to get on the computer but ignore the emails and write a quick blog instead. So here I sit, contently in my regular jeans. (YEAH!)
Spring also brings new life and lots of new things to do around the house. I would love to get out in the garden, and do Spring cleaning inside and out. But I am still playing catch up from not being prepared for Ava to come on her own. (Yes, playing catch up is still dragging on 6 weeks later.) While I knew this was a very real possibility, I just didn’t think my body would let it happen, so I wasn’t too concerned about it. I still have ingredients for freezer meals that I had planned to make, I still have projects going that I started pre-Ava. I am preparing for a friend’s wedding, writing thank you notes, filling in a baby book, etc. Plus, I am waiting for Spring to come and stay a while. It’s not my fault, I have given Spring the formal invitation! I took a risk and changed out closets this morning. The winter clothes will not go out of reach though, I am not that brave. All the while life is just going on around me. I hope things settle down and get more organized once life stops throwing curveballs.
I have had an out-of-the-ordinary week this week especially as I have been living at the clinic. Thankfully, I wasn’t there on Monday when it was evacuated. But I was there Tuesday and Wednesday for some lengthy amounts of time… and I return on Monday. I’m having to see a Neurologist for some problems in my eye. I’m having tests run and none of it is very fun. In fact, the MRI was the worst experience of my life. Seriously. I told Dave that I would rather do drug-free child birth over again instead of spending 45 minutes having an MRI of my head. I had to quit my MRI after only 10 minutes. An MRI Cassi? Those are painless! They are just a little noisy and don’t last long. You get to lay there and relax while you listen to music! Piece of cake! If you are saying that to me right now, you must not know that I am claustrophobic. In fact, I would be surprised if you did know that about me. I look back in life and see why things bothered me that at the time I didn’t understand why they did and I understand myself better. When I was little, and now and forevermore, turtlenecks have been out of the question. Claustrophobia. I used to hate the dentist and the x-ray machine in particular. When I was 8, I was hit in the face with a baseball bat. I had to go through all kinds of doctor visits, see specialists, etc. But the worst part was right after it happened. I was laying on the ground and someone kept putting a wet washcloth over my face. Claustrophobia. When I am in a car that gets too hot, I can’t wait to turn down the air and let it cool off, I have to immediately roll down a window. (I also prefer to sit in the front seat – partially because I get carsick, but also because I don’t feel so trapped! And I usually have window rolling capabilities.) Whenever my hair stylist brushes hair in front of my face, I cannot wait to get it out. At one of my birthday parties – as an adult -we had those sumo suits, it was fun and terrifying at the same time. When we were in Italy, we went to a place where we climbed a billion stairs and we were in this incredibly tiny staircase the whole way with no exits and very few windows. Had I known then what I know now, I would have never have gone in. I was shaky and sweating profusely and now I know why. Claustrophobia. I am (at least) the fourth generation claustrophobe. I hope my girls don’t have to deal with that. But if they do, they have one understanding Mama, and understanding grandparents and great grandparents. I know how irrational of a fear it is. Logically, I do. But it is also very very real. I go back to the Neurologist on Monday. We are discussing the results we do have from the blood tests and few scans I made it through, and will go from there. I hope to have some answers and to be able to avoid a repeat MRI if at all possible. Also some prayers for comfort, and that my condition isn’t serious would be appreciated!